Board |
General.old [context] |
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Oburi |
Date |
Sun Jul 14 08:05:43 2013 |
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all |
Subject |
number 2 |
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Sender Miranda-
Date Fri Oct 13 14:20:06 2000-
Stamp 971465998
Expire 973192811
To all-
Subject Issue Two-
Text
{mTHE PARADIGM PALAVER
Printing Only the Finest Gibberish In Town{x
{y*SCOOP: THE SCANDAL THAT ROCKED {rQ{y TO ITS FOUNDATIONS!
GRIMREAPER AND HABAKUK FOUND IN SHEER QUEER GEAR!!!{x
Chaos broke out in Charnok Plaza when Bastion's {DTonkastruct{x
Force staged a surprise raid on Joe Bob's House of Hair. "Our
suspicions were aroused when we noticed several sheep and a
moose in the window wearing leather corsets," reported one of
the four-wheeled cyborgs.
The chief of the {DTonkastruct{x force consulted the oracle at
{rRimbol's Temple of Binary Babble{x to verify their hunch that
large mammals with spatulate cranial appendages had little to do
with a {mSalon of Furry Fashion{x. After several unfortunate
accidents involving a chainsaw and some drunked monkeys, the
entrails of the 47th sacrificial gimp were finally read. "The
oracle began screaming '{ySEX! SEX AND PEYOTE!{x' over and over
before he leapt on one of the monkeys," our informant said.
"We took that as confirmation of our suspicions, although we
still don't know what we're supposed to do with these little
button-things the oracle gave us."
The raid itself occurred in the early hours of the morning.
The {DTonkastruct{x strike force burst through the front door
of Joe Bob's, only to be met by its new owner, Antoine
{cDel'Sh'Dyke{x, clad in a sheer bathrobe trimmed with {mpink{x
feathers. "Oh GIRL!" he reportedly cried as he ogled the drive
shaft of the {DTonkastruct{x leader. "Come in, honey."
Locating their forced entry coupons, the {DTonkastructs{x plowed
through a concealed rear door at the back of the shop.
Amidst a crowd of sheep and assorted panting gremlins and
{DDivergents{x (well, where do you *think* the name came from?!),
the {DTonkastructs{x spotted their quarry! There, on stage,
festooned with studded leather harness straps and whipped cream,
danced {cHabakuk{x. Gold coins were tucked into the strap of his
mesh-and-leather thong. As he spun around the pole rising from
the center of the stage, a somber voice boomed over the loudspeakers.
"Let's hear it for {cHaveaf***{x, folks!" Meager applause
followed (apparently {cHabakuk{x had forgotten to shave his legs
that evening.)
Shockingly, the voice on the loudspeakers belonged to {y
Grimreaper{x, who then leapt onto the stage to join in the
dancing. Handsomely clad in {Dstiletto thigh-highs{x and
sporting a whip, he and {cHabakuk{x proceeded to rouse the crowd
with a display of hedonistic S&M never dreamt of in this land,
not even by {mSwayde{x.
"That's when we had to move," our informant told us. "I don't
know what kind of secret life those two have been leading, but
it is simply and frighteningly obscene." The two offenders were
promptly arrested and put in cryo until a judgement as to their
fates could be reached. It is not known what lies ahead, although
{rBobbitizing{x has been suggested.
-Reported by {mParadigm's Ranging Ranger,{x with her Nose For
the Trivial and Shocking
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