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old rp note1 |
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Sender Miranda
Date Thu Oct 12 21:12:08 2000
Stamp 971403843
Expire 973131135
To all
Subject Issue One
Text
{mTHE PARADIGM PALAVER
Printing Only the Finest Gibberish In Town{x
**EXCLUSIVE**
{yRYNOR CAUGHT IN COVEN OVEN!!!{x
Drama lay like a buxom wench for sale over the Bastion
Halls of Justice and Gynecology today. Before a courtroom
packed with breathless zombies, Rynor aka "{rThe Woodie{x"
took the stand in his own defense.
As our faithful readers know, last week Rynor was arrested
for indecent trunk exposure outside Firewench's {DTemple of
Naughty Sexwear{x by Bastion's Master-At-Arms, Rosielance
Behind, and his gerbil sidekick, Drilledinstern. As the
Guild of Self-Righteous Templars prepared their prosecution
case, however, a startling new twist was introduced!
Charges of lewd behavior and root rot were levelled against
Rynor by a then-unknown source. "He told me he just needed;a warm, wet place
to grow a twig. He said his root was;planted forever," she sobbed.
After thorough investigation, the new charges were added to
the prosecution's case, and today "{rthe Woodie{x" himself
took the stand. Heedless of the drool collecting in his lap
each time the well-stacked torso of Tinkerbell, head prosecutor,
passed by, Rynor pleaded temporary insanity. "It was her fur,"
he groaned. "It just grew on me!"
In a dramatic tour de force, the prosecution pointed out that monks
have no charm and questioned Rynor closely about the deep scratches
in his bark (clearly the result of werewolf marking behavior).
After a grueling five minutes, Rynor's branches snapped. "I admit;it," he
cried. "I made muskrat love!"
The crowning point came when Kyla, fezzy sex girl of {rCoven{x,
entered the courtroom to face the accused. Accompanied by fellow
furball, Fuzzhead, the expectant (?) Kyla pointed a claw at
Rynor. "HIM!" she cried. Immediately Fuzzhead pulled out a
{cBig Ole Revolver{x and pointed it at Rynor. "Marry or die!"
he snarled.
Caught in his own morass of leafy guilt, Rynor sobbed and gestured
to the skies. In a bolt of ditzy giggling, Gani appeared in the
courtroom. After a minor scuffle involving a few dwarves and a
rabid muskrat, the lovers (?) were united in holy bonds of
matrimony. Said the expectant (?) bride smugly, "I knew I would;get him
eventually if I said we had a little bark in the oven."
-Reported by {mParadigm's{x Ranging Ranger with a nose for the
Trivial and Shocking.
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