| Thursday 8 November 2001
THE PARADIGM PARADOX
Prevarication For Profit
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PRENUP SPAWNS DIVORCE COURT DISCORD
Marital Madness Makes Minotaur Market Moo
Following last month's stabilizing financial trends, the Aarchon
investors' market has entered a rather bullish phase,
characterized by increased consumer spending and spurred by
interest rates being dramatically reduced to a whopping zero
percent. Encouraged by this favorable climate, some of the
largest corporations in Aarchon have expanded into more
speculative ventures. For example, in addition to their regular
money laundering services (starch is extra), Pandemic
Enterprises has managed to corner the anthrax market,
currently testing a powdered cutaneous form of the disease which
can be easily transported via the mail services. More surprising
news, however, has been generated from the venerable halls of
Paradigm Industries.
The executive board of Paradigm has long been searching for a
new CEO to replace Rynor after he swindled the company out of millions
and absconded to the Caribbean. Since no single member of the board
was a majority shareholder, however, agreement upon a suitable CEO
candidate was never reached and contract negotiations broke down on
several occaisions. The despairing board was settling into yet another
set of talks when an unexpected telegram was received last week.
The contents of said telegram have not been disclosed to the press
in full detail, but it is known that the telegram was sent by
Matlock of Cable Legal Services, Inc. on behalf of one Eris,
Chair of Discordia and former wedded wife of former Paradigm
CEO, Rynor. The telegram apparently indicated that Rynor, in
a prenuptial agreement with Eris, had signed 51% of Paradigm
Stock ownership to his wife in case of divorce or separation, giving
her majority control of the company should such unhappy events occur.
Since the unhappy event DID, in fact, occur, the telegram pointed
out that Eris could now, if she so wished, take over control of
Paradigm Industries. After purusing the prenup agreement them-
selves, the executive board reluctantly acknowledged its legitimacy
and resigned themselves to the rule of the reigning Porn Queen
of Discordia.
Contrary to rumor, Pandemic Enterprises had nothing to do with the
subsequent chain of events. Grandpa Parademia reluctantly withdrew
his hostile takeover bid for Paradigm Industries in fear of facing
the wrath of Eris, although his underlings continue to make false
press statements to the contrary. Instead, Eris noted that her
new husband, Bobble, was tired of being a single digit in a binary
world and offered him the CEO position. After discussing it with the
executive board, the negotiations were completed quickly and Bobble
was hired almost immediately. Company employees were very pleased
by the new appointment as stock prices soared to unprecedented heights
as consumer confidence in Paradigm was reaffirmed.
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