black_cards_deck = { "House of __________.", "10% of adults admit to having an addiction to __________.", "A 13-year-old girl suffered first- and second-degree burns when __________ caught fire in her pants.", "A man won a $3.1 million lottery. He spent it all on __________ and was charged with murder.", "A romantic candlelit dinner would be incomplete without __________.", "A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without __________.", "A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with __________.", "A true gamer has no problem with __________.", "A wise man said, Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about __________.", "According to the US Food and Drug Administration, the average person consumes 1 lb of __________ per year, mostly mixed into other foods.", "After blacking out during New year's Eve, I was awoken by __________.", "After Hurricane Katrina, Sean Penn brought __________ to the people of New Orleans.", "After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree one thing: More __________!.", "After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought __________ to the people of Haiti.", "Alightment: Chaotic __________.", "Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of __________.", "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for __________.", "And what did you bring for show and tell.", "Anthropologists have recently discovered a primitive tribe that worships __________.", "As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without __________ in his dressing room.", "As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for __________.", "Authorities are unsure whether the man died from the gunshots, excited delirium, or __________.", "Avatar: The Last __________ bender.", "Back when I was 12 and I was just starting playing D&D, the game had __________.", "Baskin Robbins just added a 32nd flavor: __________.", "Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with __________.", "Betcha can't have just one.", "Between love and madness lies __________.", "Bieber reeked of__________ when he was pulled over.", "Big Eyes, Small __________.", "BILLY MAYS HERE FOR __________.", "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you __________.", "Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate __________ in the workplace.", "Cancel all my meetings. We’ve got a situation with __________ that requires my immediate attention.", "changing drinking patterns to combat __________ would require a major cultural adjustment.", "Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out __________.", "Christopher Daniels is late on his __________.", "close to 70% of room service revenue comes from __________.", "Coming to Broadway this season, __________: The Musical.", "Corruption. Betrayal. __________. Coming soon to Netflix.", "D&D 4.0 isn't real D&D because of the __________.", "Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with __________ and would like your advice.", "Disney presents __________ on ice.", "Don't eat the __________.", "Due to a PR fiasco, Walmart no longer offers __________.", "During high school, I never really fit in until I found __________ club.", "During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into __________.", "During Picasso's often-overlooked Brown Period, he produced hundreds of paintings of __________.", "During sex, I like to think about __________.", "Envelopes with white powder turned up at several hotels near MetLife stadium and at other sites, but the powder appears to be __________.", "Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about __________.", "Everybody loves __________.", "Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for __________.", "Finally! A service that delivers __________ right to your door.", "For the convention I cosplayed as Sailor Moon, except with __________.", "Genius is 10% inspiration, 90% __________.", "Haruko hit Naoto in the head with her bass guitar and __________ came out.", "He who controls __________ controls the world.", "Hey, baby, come back to my place and I'll show you __________.", "House GOP Leaders Back __________ for Immigrants.", "How am I maintaining my relationship status.", "I can drive and __________ at the same time.", "I can only express myself through __________.", "I can’t believe Netflix is using __________ to promote House of Cards.", "I did __________ so you don't have to.", "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with __________.", "I drink to forget __________.", "I got 99 problems but __________ ain't one.", "I got fired because of my not-so-secret obsession over __________.", "I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with __________.", "I love the smell of __________ in the morning.", "I need your clothes, your bike, and __________.", "I wish I hadn't lost the instruction manual for __________.", "I’m not going to lie. I despise __________. There, I said it.", "I’m very sorry Mrs. Smith, but Little Billy has tested positive for __________.", "If you need him to, Remy Danton can pull some strings and get you __________, but it’ll cost you.", "I'm cuckoo for __________ puffs.", "I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for __________.", "I'm sorry professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of __________.", "I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of __________.", "In 1,000 years when paper money is but a distant memory, __________ will be our currency.", "In 1,000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, __________ will be our currency.", "In a new Cold War retro movie, the red menace tries to conquer the world through the cunning use of __________.", "In an attempt to reach a wider audience, the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has opened an interactive exhibit on __________.", "In his new -produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of __________.", "In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of __________.", "In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from __________.", "In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated __________.", "In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for __________.", "In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about __________.", "In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to __________.", "In the distant future, historians will agree that __________ marked the beginning of America's decline.", "In the Evangelion remake, Shinji has to deal with __________.", "In the grim darkness of the future there is only __________.", "In the name of __________ Sailor Moon will punish you.", "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with __________ for the first time.", "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with __________ for the first time.,.", "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure __________ for all eternity.", "Instead of beating them, Chris Brown now does __________ to women.", "Instead of chess, the Grim Reaper now gambles for your soul with a game of __________.", "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children __________.", "Instead of cutting, trendy young emo girls now engage in __________.", "It's a D&D retroclone with __________ added.", "It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with __________.", "It's a trap.", "It's only __________ if you get caught.", "Jesus is __________.", "Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to __________.", "Life was difficult for cavemen before __________.", "Linear Fighter, Quadratic __________.", "Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and __________.", "Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're __________.", "Major League Baseball has banned __________ for giving players an unfair advantage.", "Make a haiku.", "Mastodon! Pterodactyl! Triceratops! Sabretooth Tiger! __________.", "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's __________.", "Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience __________.", "Michigan police are investigating a gruesome discovery made on a highway just outside of Detroit yesterday: five bags containing__________.", "Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me __________.", "Most of what we know about __________ comes from the findings of human experiments by the Nazis.", "MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with __________.", "My boyfriend's a __________ now.", "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of __________.", "My gym teacher got fired for adding __________ to the obstacle course.", "My innovative new RPG has a stat for __________.", "My new favorite porn star is Joey __________ McGee.", "My new favourite sexual position is __________.", "My new porn DVD was completely ruined by the inclusion of __________.", "My plan for world domination begins with __________.", "My zombie survival kit includes food, water, and __________.", "Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of __________.", "Next on ESPN2, the World Series of __________.", "Next on ESPN2: The World Series of __________.", "Next season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only __________ and his wits.", "Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about __________.", "No harem anime is complete without __________.", "Obama plans to announce a $150 million grant project through the Labor Department designed to help __________.", "Obviously__________ have the ability to teleport over long distances.", "On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and __________.", "Only Asian people have __________.", "Only two things in life are certain: death and __________.", "Pathfinder is basically D&D __________ Edition.", "People are wondering why Steve Jackson published GURPS __________.", "People should obviously use caution when placing __________ in their back pockets so as not to crush them and cause an electrical short.", "Presidential elections put people in the mood for __________.", "Rand Paul fights the good fight to allow __________ in post offices, which could not possibly cause anything to go wrong.", "Science will never explain __________.", "Science will never explain the origin of __________.", "Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than __________.", "Silly rabbit, __________ are for kids.", "Somehow they made a cute mascot girl out of __________.", "SOOOOO hot, want to touch the __________.", "Sorry everyone, I just __________.", "Stop looking at me __________.", "Storygames aren't RPGs because of the __________.", "Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to __________.", "Tackle, Dropdown, __________.", "Terminator 4: __________.", "The __________ of Haruhi Suzumiya.", "The average shelf-life of __________ is about two years.", "The best thing I ever got for Christmas was __________.", "The best way to find Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 may be with __________.", "The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in __________.", "The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to __________.", "The class field trip was completely ruined by __________.", "The Deck of Many __________.", "The definition of rock bottom is gambling away __________.", "The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, __________, and acceptance.", "The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of __________.", "The Japanese government has spent billions of yen researching __________.", "The latest horrifying school shooting was inspired by __________.", "The magical girl found out that the Power of Love is useless against __________.", "The Mayan prophecies really heralded the coming of __________ in 2012.", "The new thing in Akihabara is fetish cafes where you can see girls dressed up as __________.", "The portal leads to the quasi-elemental plane of __________.", "The president is meeting with __________ today at the White House.", "The Romans used __________ as toothpaste.", "The Savvy New Yorker’s Guide to __________.", "The Slayer's Guide to __________.", "The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to __________ is a basic human right.", "The Temple of Elemental __________.", "The U.S. has begun airdropping __________ to the children of Afghanistan.", "The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is __________.", "The way to a man's heart is through __________.", "The White House wants to make sure companies don't write off job applicants simply because they have__________.", "The worst part of Grave of the Fireflies is all the __________.", "There is actually a law in Michigan called __________ Law.", "There's no crying in __________.", "This holiday season, Tim Allen must overcome his fear of __________ to save Christmas.", "This is the way the world ends , This is the way the world ends , Not with a bang but with __________.", "This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for __________.", "This month's Cosmo: Spice up your sex life by bringing __________ into the bedroom.", "This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only __________ and his wits.", "To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of __________.", "Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about __________ could kill you.", "Trust me, I’m __________.", "TSA guidelines now prohibit __________ on airplanes.", "Turns out that __________-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted.", "Utah has the largest consumption of __________ per capita in the US.", "Vermont abolished __________ in 1777 while it was still an independent nation.", "Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their __________.", "Wall Street Journal: Okay, Obama Isn’t Hitler, But He’s__________.", "War! What is it good for.", "Warning: Popping __________ can be dangerous. So snort it instead.", "We got the third rope, now where's the fourth.", "What am I giving up for Lent.", "What are my parents hiding from me.", "What brought the orgy to a grinding halt.", "What did I bring back from Mexico.", "What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner.", "What do old people smell like.", "What does Dick Cheney prefer.", "What don't you want to find in your Chinese food.", "What ended my last relationship.", "What gets better with age.", "What gives me uncontrollable gas.", "What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony.", "What helps Obama unwind.", "What is Batman's guilty pleasure.", "What keeps me warm during the cold, cold, winter.", "What left this stain on my couch.", "What made the paladin fall? __________.", "What never fails to liven up the party.", "What was the theme of my second wedding.", "What will always get you laid.", "What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard.", "What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming.", "What's a girl's best friend.", "What's my anti-drug.", "What's my secret power.", "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed.", "What's that smell.", "What's that sound.", "What's the crustiest.", "What's the gift that keeps on giving.", "What's the most emo.", "What's the new fad diet.", "What's the newest Japanese craze to head West.", "What's the next Happy Meal toy.", "What's the next superhero-sidekick duo.", "What's there a ton of in heaven.", "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to __________.", "When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate __________.", "When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of __________.", "When I pooped, what came out of my butt.", "When I was 10 I wrote to Santa wishing for __________.", "When I'm in prison, I'll have __________ smuggled in.", "When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of __________.", "Where or How I met my last signifigant other: __________.", "While powering up Vegeta screamed, __________.", "While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on __________.", "White people like __________.", "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar.", "Why am I sticky.", "Why can't I sleep at night.", "Why do I hurt all over.", "Why is my throat sore.", "Women get turned on by __________.", "Worst anime convention purchase ever? __________.", "You are all at a tavern when __________ approach you.", "You evaded my __________ attack. Most impressive.", "You start with 1d4 __________ points.", "Your drill can pierce __________.", "You're not gonna believe this, but __________." } white_cards_deck = { "A Gypsy curse.", "A moment of silence.", "A sausage festival.", "An honest cop with nothing left to lose.", "Famine.", "Flesh-eating bacteria.", "Flying sex snakes.", "Not giving a shit about the Third World.", "Sexting.", "Shapeshifters.", "Porn stars.", "72 virgins.", "A drive-by shooting.", "A time travel paradox.", "Authentic Mexican cuisine.", "Bling.", "Consultants.", "Crippling debt.", "Daddy issues.", "The Donald Trump Seal of Approval(tm).", "Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.", "Former President George W. Bush.", "Full frontal nudity.", "Hormone injections.", "Laying an egg.", "Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.", "Pretending to care.", "Public ridicule.", "Sharing needles.", "Boogers.", "The inevitable heat death of the universe.", "The miracle of childbirth.", "The Rapture.", "Whipping it out.", "White privilege.", "Wifely duties.", "The Hamburglar.", "AXE Body Spray.", "The Blood of Christ.", "Horrifying laser hair removal accidents.", "BATMAN!!!", "Agriculture.", "A robust mongoloid.", "Natural selection.", "Coat hanger abortions.", "Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale.", "Michelle Obama's arms.", "The World of Warcraft.", "Swooping.", "Obesity.", "A homoerotic volleyball montage.", "Lockjaw.", "A mating display.", "Testicular torsion.", "All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.", "Domino's(tm) Oreo(tm) Dessert Pizza.", "Kanye West.", "Hot cheese.", "Raptor attacks.", "Taking off your shirt.", "Smegma.", "Alcoholism.", "A middle-aged man on roller skates.", "The Care Bear Stare.", "Bingeing and purging.", "Oversized lollipops.", "-loathing.", "Children on leashes.", "Half-assed foreplay.", "The Holy Bible.", "German dungeon porn.", "Being on fire.", "Teenage pregnancy.", "Gandhi.", "Leaving an awkward voicemail.", "Uppercuts.", "Customer service representatives.", "An erection that lasts longer than four hours.", "My genitals.", "Picking up girls at the abortion clinic.", "Science.", "Not reciprocating oral sex.", "Flightless birds.", "A good sniff.", "Waterboarding.", "A balanced breakfast.", "Historically black colleges.", "Actually taking candy from a baby.", "The Make-A-Wish Foundation.", "A clandestine butt scratch.", "Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.", "The Chinese gymnastics team.", "Switching to Geico.", "Peeing a little bit.", "Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.", "Nocturnal emissions.", "The Jews.", "My humps.", "Powerful thighs.", "Winking at old people.", "Mr. Clean, right behind you.", "A gentle caress of the inner thigh.", "Sexual tension.", "The forbidden fruit.", "Skeletor.", "Fancy Feast.", "Being rich.", "Sweet, sweet vengeance.", "Republicans.", "A gassy antelope.", "Natalie Portman.", "Copping a feel.", "Kamikaze pilots.", "Sean Connery.", "The homosexual agenda.", "The hardworking Mexican.", "A falcon with a cap on its head.", "Altar boys.", "The Kool-Aid Man.", "Getting so angry that you pop a boner.", "Free samples.", "A big hoopla about nothing.", "Doing the right thing.", "The Three-Fifths compromise.", "Lactation.", "World peace.", "RoboCop.", "Chutzpah.", "Justin Bieber.", "Oompa-Loompas.", "Inappropriate yodeling.", "Puberty.", "Ghosts.", "An asymmetric boob job.", "Vigorous jazz hands.", "Fingering.", "Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook.", "GoGurt.", "Police brutality.", "John Wilkes Booth.", "Preteens.", "Scalping.", "Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.", "\"Tweeting.\"", "Darth Vader.", "A sad handjob.", "Exactly what you'd expect.", "Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.", "Adderall(tm).", "Embryonic stem cells.", "Tasteful sideboob.", "Panda sex.", "An icepick lobotomy.", "Tom Cruise.", "Mouth herpes.", "Sperm whales.", "Homeless people.", "Third base.", "Incest.", "Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.", "A mime having a stroke.", "Hulk Hogan.", "God.", "Scrubbing under the folds.", "Golden showers.", "Emotions.", "Licking things to claim them as your own.", "Pabst Blue Ribbon.", "The placenta.", "Spontaneous human combustion.", "Friends with benefits.", "Finger painting.", "Old-people smell.", "Dying of dysentery.", "My inner demons.", "A Super Soaker(tm) full of cat pee.", "Aaron Burr.", "Cuddling.", "The chronic.", "Cockfights.", "Friendly fire.", "Ronald Reagan.", "A disappointing birthday party.", "A sassy black woman.", "Mathletes.", "A tiny horse.", "William Shatner.", "Riding off into the sunset.", "An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.", "Jew-fros.", "Mutually-assured destruction.", "Pedophiles.", "Yeast.", "Grave robbing.", "Eating the last known bison.", "Catapults.", "Poor people.", "Forgetting the Alamo.", "The Hustle.", "The Force.", "Wiping her butt.", "Intelligent design.", "Loose lips.", "AIDS.", "Pictures of boobs.", "The Ubermensch.", "Sarah Palin.", "American Gladiators.", "Getting really high.", "Scientology.", "Penis envy.", "Praying the gay away.", "Frolicking.", "Two midgets shitting into a bucket.", "The KKK.", "Genghis Khan.", "Crystal meth.", "Serfdom.", "Stranger danger.", "A Bop It(tm).", "Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.", "Prancing.", "Vigilante justice.", "Overcompensation.", "Pixelated bukkake.", "A lifetime of sadness.", "Racism.", "Dwarf tossing.", "Sunshine and rainbows.", "A monkey smoking a cigar.", "Flash flooding.", "Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.", "Dry heaving.", "The terrorists.", "Britney Spears at 55.", "Attitude.", "Breaking out into song and dance.", "Leprosy.", "Gloryholes.", "Nipple blades.", "The heart of a child.", "Puppies!", "Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.", "Dental dams.", "Toni Morrison's vagina.", "The taint, the grundle, the fleshy fun-bridge.", "Active listening.", "Ethnic cleansing.", "The Little Engine That Could.", "The invisible hand.", "Waiting until marriage.", "Unfathomable stupidity.", "Euphoria(tm) by Calvin Klein.", "Re-gifting.", "Autocannibalism.", "Erectile dysfunction.", "My collection of high-tech sex toys.", "The Pope.", "White people.", "Tentacle porn.", "Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts.", "Too much hair gel.", "Seppuku.", "Same-sex ice dancing.", "Cheating in the Special Olympics.", "Charisma.", "Keanu Reeves.", "Sean Penn.", "Nickelback.", "A look-see.", "Pooping back and forth. Forever.", "Menstruation.", "Kids with ass cancer.", "A salty surprise.", "The South.", "The violation of our most basic human rights.", "YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.", "Being fabulous.", "Necrophilia.", "Centaurs.", "Bill Nye the Science Guy.", "Black people.", "Chivalry.", "Lunchables(tm).", "Bitches.", "The profoundly handicapped.", "Heartwarming orphans.", "MechaHitler.", "Fiery poops.", "Another goddamn vampire movie.", "Tangled Slinkys.", "The true meaning of Christmas.", "Estrogen.", "A zesty breakfast burrito.", "That thing that electrocutes your abs.", "Passing a kidney stone.", "A bleached asshole.", "Michael Jackson.", "Cybernetic enhancements.", "Guys who don't call.", "Smallpox blankets.", "Masturbation.", "Classist undertones.", "Queefing.", "Concealing a boner.", "Edible underpants.", "Viagra.", "Soup that is too hot.", "Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).", "Surprise sex!", "Five-Dollar Footlongs(tm).", "Drinking alone.", "Dick fingers.", "Multiple stab wounds.", "Soiling one.", "Child abuse.", "Anal beads.", "Civilian casualties.", "Pulling out.", "Robert Downey, Jr.", "Horse meat.", "A really cool hat.", "Kim Jong-il.", "A stray pube.", "Jewish fraternities.", "The token minority.", "Doin' it in the butt.", "Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.", "Teaching a robot to love.", "A can of whoop-ass.", "A windmill full of corpses.", "Count Chocula.", "Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry.", "A death ray.", "The glass ceiling.", "A cooler full of organs.", "The American Dream.", "Keg stands.", "When you fart and a little bit comes out.", "Take-backsies.", "Dead babies.", "Foreskin.", "Saxophone solos.", "Italians.", "A fetus.", "Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.", "Dick Cheney.", "Amputees.", "Eugenics.", "My relationship status.", "Christopher Walken.", "Bees?", "Harry Potter erotica.", "College.", "Getting drunk on mouthwash.", "Nazis.", "8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.", "Stephen Hawking talking dirty.", "Dead parents.", "Object permanence.", "Opposable thumbs.", "Racially-biased SAT questions.", "Jibber-jabber.", "Chainsaws for hands.", "Nicolas Cage.", "Child beauty pageants.", "Explosions.", "Sniffing glue.", "Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards.", "Repression.", "Roofies.", "My vagina.", "Assless chaps.", "A murder most foul.", "Giving 110 percent.", "Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II.", "The Trail of Tears.", "Being marginalized.", "Goblins.", "Hope.", "The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.", "A micropenis.", "My soul.", "A hot mess.", "Vikings.", "Hot people.", "Seduction.", "An Oedipus complex.", "Geese.", "Global warming.", "New Age music.", "Hot Pockets.", "Making a pouty face.", "Vehicular manslaughter.", "Women's suffrage.", "A defective condom.", "Judge Judy.", "African children.", "The Virginia Tech Massacre.", "Barack Obama.", "Asians who aren't good at math.", "Elderly Japanese men.", "Exchanging pleasantries.", "Heteronormativity.", "Parting the Red Sea.", "Arnold Schwarzenegger.", "Road head.", "Spectacular abs.", "Figgy pudding.", "A mopey zoo lion.", "A bag of magic beans.", "Poor life choices.", "My sex life.", "Auschwitz.", "A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.", "A thermonuclear detonation.", "The clitoris.", "The Big Bang.", "Land mines.", "Friends who eat all the snacks.", "Goats eating cans.", "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.", "Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.", "Man meat.", "Me time.", "The Underground Railroad.", "Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.", "A sea of troubles.", "Lumberjack fantasies.", "Morgan Freeman's voice.", "Women in yogurt commercials.", "Natural male enhancement.", "Being a motherfucking sorcerer.", "Genital piercings.", "Passable transvestites.", "Sexy pillow fights.", "Balls.", "Grandma.", "Friction.", "Party poopers.", "Farting and walking away.", "Being a dick to children.", "Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars.", "The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System(tm).", "Dying.", "Hurricane Katrina.", "The gays.", "The folly of man.", "Men.", "The Amish.", "Pterodactyl eggs.", "Team-building exercises.", "A brain tumor.", "Cards Against Humanity.", "Fear it.", "Lady Gaga.", "The milk man.", "A foul mouth.", "A big black dick.", "A beached whale.", "A bloody pacifier.", "A crappy little hand.", "A low standard of living.", "A nuanced critique.", "Panty raids.", "A passionate Latino lover.", "A rival dojo.", "A web of lies.", "A woman scorned.", "Clams.", "Apologizing.", "Appreciative snapping.", "Neil Patrick Harris.", "Beating your wives.", "Being a dinosaur.", "Shaft.", "Bosnian chicken farmers.", "Nubile slave boys.", "Carnies.", "Coughing into a vagina.", "Suicidal thoughts.", "Dancing with a broom.", "Deflowering the princess.", "Dorito breath.", "Eating an albino.", "Enormous Scandinavian women.", "Fabricating statistics.", "Finding a skeleton.", "Gandalf.", "Genetically engineered super-soldiers.", "George Clooney's musk.", "Getting abducted by Peter Pan.", "Getting in her pants, politely.", "Gladiatorial combat.", "Good grammar.", "Hipsters.", "Historical revisionism.", "Insatiable bloodlust.", "Jafar.", "Jean-Claude Van Damme.", "Just the tip.", "Mad hacky-sack skills.", "Leveling up.", "Literally eating shit.", "Making the penises kiss.", "Media coverage.", "Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament.", "Moral ambiguity.", "My machete.", "One thousand Slim Jims.", "Ominous background music.", "Overpowering your father.", "Pistol-whipping a hostage.", "Quiche.", "Quivering jowls.", "Revenge fucking.", "Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.", "Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.", "Santa Claus.", "Scrotum tickling.", "Sexual humiliation.", "Sexy Siamese twins.", "Slow motion.", "Space muffins.", "Statistically validated stereotypes.", "Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.", "The boners of the elderly.", "The economy.", "The Fanta girls.", "The Gulags.", "The harsh light of day.", "The hiccups.", "The shambling corpse of Larry King.", "The four arms of Vishnu.", "Being a busy adult with many important things to do.", "Tripping balls.", "Words, words, words.", "Zeus's sexual appetites.", "That ass.", "Nothing.", "Shutting the fuck up.", "The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.", "A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.", "Cock.", "A cop who is also a dog.", "Dying alone and in pain.", "Gay aliens.", "The way white people is.", "Reverse cowgirl.", "The Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili’s.", "Actually getting shot, for real.", "Not having sex.", "Vietnam flashbacks.", "Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.", "Warm, velvety muppet sex.", "Self-flagellation.", "The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.", "Samuel L.", "A boo-boo.", "Going around punching people.", "The entire Internet.", "Some kind of bird-man.", "Chugging a lava lamp.", "Having sex on top of a pizza.", "Indescribable loneliness.", "An ass disaster.", "All my friends dying.", "Putting an entire peanut buter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.", "Spending lots of money.", "Some douche with an acoustic guitar.", "Flying robots that kill people.", "A greased-up Matthew McConaughey.", "An unstoppable wave of fire ants.", "Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.", "An all-midget production of Shakespeare’s Richard III.", "Screaming like a maniac.", "The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.", "Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.", "Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.", "Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.", "Velcro.", "A PowerPoint presentation.", "A surprising amount of hair.", "Eating Tom Selleck’s mustache to gain his powers.", "Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.", "A pile of squirming bodies.", "Buying the right pants to be cool.", "Blood farts.", "Three months in the hole.", "A botched circumcision.", "The Land of Chocolate.", "Slapping a racist old lady.", "A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.", "Jumping out at people.", "A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.", "Mufasa’s death scene.", "Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.", "Demonic possession.", "The Harlem Globetrotters.", "Vomiting mid-blowjob.", "My manservant, Claude.", "Having shotguns for legs.", "Letting everyone down.", "A spontaneous conga line.", "A vagina that leads to another dimension.", "Disco fever.", "Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.", "Fisting.", "The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn.", "Girls that always be textin’.", "Blowing some dudes in an alley.", "Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.", "Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time.", "Sucking the President’s dick.", "Sunny D.", "A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, and my libido.", "Jerking off to a 10-second RealMedia clip.", "Deregulating the mortgage market.", "The Y2K bug.", "Wearing Nicolas Cage’s face.", "Stabbing the shit out of a Capri Sun.", "Kurt Cobain’s death.", "Freeing Willy.", "Liking big butts and not being able to lie about it.", "The Great Cornholio.", "Pure Moods, Vol.", "Yelling girl power.", "Pamela Anderson’s boobs running in slow motion.", "Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time.", "Angels interfering in an otherwise fair baseball game.", "Getting caught up in the CROSSFIRE(TM).", "Patti Mayonnaise.", "Cool 90s up-in-the-front hair.", "Several Michael Keatons.", "A bus that will explode if it goes under 50 miles per hour.", "Now that's what I call a cool story, bro.", "A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.", "Two midgets shitting into a box.", "Pandora’s vagina.", "A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.", "A sex goblin with a carnival penis.", "Lots and lots of abortions.", "Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.", "Sharks with legs.", "A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.", "How awesome I am.", "Smoking crack, for instance.", "A dance move that’s just sex.", "A hopeless amount of spiders.", "Drinking responsibly.", "Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of the night.", "Bouncing up and down.", "A shiny rock that proves I love you.", "Crazy opium eyes.", "Moderate-to-severe joint pain.", "Finally finishing off the Indians.", "Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.", "The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.", "Neil Diamond’s Greatest Hits.", "No clothes on, penis in vagina.", "Whispering all sexy.", "A horse with no legs.", "Depression.", "Almost giving money to a homeless person.", "Interspecies marriage.", "Blackula.", "What Jesus would do.", "A manhole.", "My dad’s dumb fucking face.", "A Ugandan warlord.", "My worthless son.", "A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.", "A kiss on the lips.", "A fart.", "The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.", "Snorting coke off a clown’s boner.", "Three consecutive seconds of happiness.", "Falling into the toilet.", "Ass to mouth.", "Some sort of Asian.", "The size of my penis.", "The safe word.", "Party Mexicans.", "Ambiguous sarcasm.", "Jizz.", "An interracial handshake.", "10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.", "The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.", "Sugar madness.", "Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality.", "Fucking a corpse back to life.", "All the single ladies.", "Whatever a McRib is made of.", "Africa.", "The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.", "Khakis.", "A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.", "Stuffing a child’s face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.", "A for-real lizard that spits blood from its eyes.", "The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.", "Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa.", "Dem titties.", "Exploding pigeons.", "My sex dungeon.", "Child Protective Services.", "Doo-doo.", "Sports.", "Unquestioning obedience.", "Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.", "Stabbing Spree.", "The shy kid in the corner.", "Faking satisfaction for appearances sake.", "American Samoan Kids Battling Pink Eye.", "A dispute over whether poetry or prose is the more important literary form.", "Bickering over the position of the Big Dipper.", "60 jars of mental patients' brains.", "The ancient tradition of trial by combat.", "In-bed, pajama-clad intimate, non-sexual touching.", "Person-to-person fecal transplants.", "A 3-inch methamphetamine pipe.", "A gourmet restaurant for dogs.", "Tactical Laser-Guided Pizza Cutter.", "A ladies' underwear-eating habit.", "Addicted to licking cane toads.", "Crossdresser facials.", "A man named Edward Cocaine.", "An all-day crack binge.", "Seven dead infants stuffed into cardboard boxes.", "The World’s Worst Human Being.", "Banana Slug penis.", "A drunken threesome with a teacher from your high-school years.", "Parking the pink Plymouth in the garage of love.", "A stampede of Black Friday shoppers.", "Penis sock puppets.", "Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials.", "Koalas with chlamydia.", "Mental illness or narcotic addiction.", "An automatic penis maintenance function.", "Lumberjack orgies.", "O.", "Siberian work camps.", "A pissed off version of the Ludacris song \"sex room\".", "Gay for pay.", "Offensive comments about gays, rape, and abortion.", "HIV and AIDS spread by bed sheets and mosquitos.", "A rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom.", "Fart fetishes.", "A porn farting series produced by Lucas Entertainment.", "Pregnant women, overweight people, and sweaty people.", "The findings of human experiments by the Nazis.", "Over 200 corpses.", "A ‘one-in-a-million’ tumour.", "Feeding Christians to the lions.", "Your sad little naked body.", "Being Covered in Dicks.", "Poo shaped gummies.", "A Mayonnaise Restaurant.", "Randomly sodomizing people on the streets.", "A mouthful of soup or whatever.", "Ebola Virus Outbreak.", "Goat-Skin Thongs.", "Dog Crucifixition.", "Penis Pendants.", "The fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals.", "A morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.", "The only woman in a bar full of Turks.", "Pick of the litter of the sex slaves.", "20 used syringes in a plastic cup.", "Penis covered in razor blades.", "Masturbating to The Best of Billy Ocean.", "Projectile fart.", "A naked man with superhumanlike strength.", "Teacher’s Aides with hearing aids and full blown AIDS.", "Baby's First Sensual Oil, because you're never too young to set the night on fire.", "Pasturized processed cheese food flavored condoms.", "Eating Go-gurt out of her zit covered ass.", "A blood stained box cutter knife.", "Botched buttocks enhancements.", "Videos of nude actors exercising, masturbating, or having sex.", "A group of knife-wielding racists.", "A serious case of pencil dick.", "A black man who only has sex with white women.", "25 shitty jokes about House of Cards.", "An origami swan that’s some kind of symbol.", "A homoerotic subplot.", "Forcing a handjob on a dying man.", "Ribs so good they transcend race and class.", "The sensitive European photographer who’s fucking my wife.", "Carbon monoxide poisoning.", "Discharging a firearm in a residential area.", "Getting eaten out while on the phone with Dad.", "Making it look like a suicide.", "A much younger woman.", "An older man.", "Strangling a dog to make a point to the audience.", "A childless marriage.", "My constituents.", "Punching a congressman in the face.", "Astark's old vinegar.", "Operation Kill Wyrmee.", "A typing dog." }